life loves me. that's not the problem.
it's just that sometimes I don't love myself and think I do not deserve the chances it gives me and so I do nothing to take those chances.
I am still full of contradictions, I still refuse to recognise anything in between.

@темы: feelings

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lava queitly burning underneath

Недавно писала о том, что всё твоё придёт от сердца. Это работает как в крупном, так и в мелочах.
Когда возрождала этот дневник, думала о том, что надо бы логин более подходящий придумать, чем изживший себя almost the, но так ничего и не придумала в итоге.
И тут внезапно на прошлой неделе озарило: supernova.

википедия говорит

A supernova (abbreviated SN, plural SNe after supernovae) is a stellar explosion that is more energetic than a nova. It is pronounced pron.: /ˌsuːpərˈnoʊvə/ with the plural supernovae /ˌsuːpərˈnoʊviː/ or supernovas. Supernovae are extremely luminous and cause a burst of radiation that often briefly outshines an entire galaxy, before fading from view over several weeks or months. During this short interval a supernova can radiate as much energy as the Sun is expected to emit over its entire life span.[1] The explosion expels much or all of a star's material[2] at a velocity of up to 30,000 km/s (10% of the speed of light), driving a shock wave[3] into the surrounding interstellar medium.

almost the. => supernova.

@темы: finding myself, вакуум

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@темы: of words and meanings

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You look like an electrical storm
waiting to happen.
There is thunder in the way
you crack your bones;
you only smile when it rains, and
I’ve finally figured out why. It’s
because there is lightning in you
and you’re bursting at the joints
to let it out.

@темы: of words and meanings

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and I know in my heart that it is right.

@темы: of words and meanings

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Жизнь сразу становится такой охуенной, насыщенной, когда перестаёшь лениться.

@темы: feelings

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Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.
Stop being idle.
Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
Stop letting others bring you down to their level.
Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done.
Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

@темы: of words and meanings

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*

- это всегда было моей проблемой: хочу всего и сразу )
- да, я помню, но тем не менее, у тебя всегда получалось успевать гораздо больше, чем у всех остальных людей. не покривлю душой, если скажу, что до сих пор тебя своим друзьям в пример ставлю.

@темы: people are

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@темы: of words and meanings

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one day you wake up and realise.

@темы: сказки чеширского кота

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истина в последней инстанции

Всё, что твоё, придёт из сердца.

Не надо ничего просчитывать, ничего судорожно искать. Всё настоящее всегда приходит только из сердца, из искренних внезапных порывов твоей души.

.

Мир подтверждает, и подтверждает, и подтверждает мне это.

@темы: опавшие листья

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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если говорить о личных one-on-one отношениях

Love breeds love and hate breeds hate.
У меня нет этому логического объяснения, и я знаю, что многие стали бы противоречить мне, подкреплять своё мнение личными примерами.
Но in my experience the above stands true: everyone you meet is your mirror, и всё повторяется до мелочей. If I think the world of you, you think the world of me too, если я дорожу тобой, но мне с тобой неудобно в чём-то, то ты испытываешь то же самое, тебе неудобно в том же самом.
So as I see it, if you've been giving love and getting something else in return, well, maybe it's not love you've been giving after all.

@темы: people are

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Заказала <3

@темы: falax species rerum, learn your 1966 covenants

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красный

18+

Как же хуёво быть женщиной. Проснулась в 4 утра от боли. Выпила две таблетки обезболивающего и до 5 просидела в ванне, ибо горячая вода помогает. Еле дошла из ванны до кровати, потому что организм решил, что слабость и плохо дышится. Но дошла. Смогла уснуть.
Проснулась. Выпила ещё таблетку, но как же больно до сих пор, я не могу. Нахуя всё это, а.

@темы: falax species rerum

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Everyone will tell you the exact opposite, but sometimes I think that I "feel strongly", not "think strongly".

@темы: сказки чеширского кота, feelings

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Смотрю я на то, как бабушка пытается "воспитывать" котёнка, и думаю, что если она так же пыталась воспитывать мать в детстве, то понятно, почему последняя такая нервная.
Так и сказала всем вышеперечисленным.

@темы: people are, let`s keep it a secret

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Ask for more and you'll get more.

@темы: опавшие листья

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Чем лучше узнаёшь человека, тем он отвратительней.

@темы: people are

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В тему лавы.
Есть у меня в черновиках такие строки:

I'm not as hard as a fist
nor as consistent as water
I've got lava underneath
it results in explosions.

В черновиках они у меня давно, мне нравится идея, но не могу довести её до ума (с точки зрения языка, творческой ценности, первые две строки хороши, но последние две - отвратительны).
Смысл же в том, что в моменты вдохновения, когда я впадаю в практически транс в своём желании выразить какие-то чувства, какую-то идею, в момент, когда это идёт изнутри, я бываю гораздо более проницательна, чем I usually give myself credit for.

@темы: you speak as one who fed on poetry